Reflection

Learning to let go of all the things that I hold onto dearly is a very hard thing for me to do. My life has come to a standstill and I just want things to move on or get better or just end. I'm tired of working. I'm tired of being lazy. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of being inadequate. I'm tired of being a horrible daughter sister and intolerable wife. I'm tired of trying to cope with being a sell out and never really being an artist. I'm tired of never being recognized for all the things I do and all the things I don't do. I'm sick of all the things that are wrong with life. I'm trying to look for the good in things and have started to see fewer and fewer things to care or live for. I want to be self sufficient and strong but there seems to be fewer and fewer opportunities to do so. I hate that I am repulsed on a consistent basis by everything and everyone all the time. I'm ready to move on. I can't even write a good emo letter. I hate everything and am so depressed all the damn time. I'm sick of faking everyhing from hapiness to sadness to excitement to caring. I resent every decsion I've ever made. Why can't I just learn to be my own person. I'm so busy copying everyone and everything around me that I have forgotten who I am. I've turned into a hurtful pathological lier. I want to save the world but guess what I really don't give a shit. I just want a big house with a fancy maid a nice car to starve myself thin and the stupid posessions that feed the illusion that I'm a sucessful meaningful person. I just want to be labeled when all I've ever told people is that being labeled is not what I would ever want to be. Let's be honest. I'm not down to earth. I just don't give a shit. Living in this altered state of reality is so beyond what I have supposedly stood for all my life. It's another lie. It seems as though karma is back to bite me in the ass. But hey. I don't give a shit.